A battered soul

Fucking low lying creature who don't fucking give a damn to the pain you inflicted on people who trusted you whole-heartedly. If there is a knife in front of me. I swear i will stabbed you in the heart and twist it a full round before pulling it out. The knife that is dripped with blood will be licked off clean by me. Tasting the metallic taste of your blood. Just give me a satisfaction that really know no boundary.

Don't think that you can get away from the hurt you inflicted on me. Cause i will gonna get my revenge. I swear that i will let you have a hellish time. You will beg me to kill you. But NO i will slowly tortured you, cutting you limb by limb finger by finger. The sound of knife cutting your bone and the scream coming out of you will be the ULTIMATE price for the pain and hurt you give me.

All of you might think im a sadistic. But then again you are not me. So dont fucking pass judgement about me. You are not me, you dont know the life i had gone. The hellish time that was given to me. The misplaced trust in people. The cold steely gaze that still send a shiver whenever i think about it.

If i can't get my revenge then Heaven will. Karma is something that i believe in. BEWARE cuz God is watching.

Responsibility

Simply put, you believed that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.

Wayne Dyer

We tend to shirk from our responsibility and blame it on other people. We think that by making a clean break from this matter then we will be alright. But truth is it will only make us worse. Because deep down, we know that its our fault. So why can't we take the first step of owning up and give ourselves a peace of mind knowing that we have done the right thing by owning up and taking responsibility of the matter. And thus we will be happy!

I absolutely abhor people who are in the wrong but they blame in on other people and shirk responsibility from it. Shirking from responsibility is akin to saying you are not at fault when you are clearly at fault.

Take me as an example, i failed 2 modules, cried my heart out but in the end. I still take responsibility for it. Not because i was obliged to. But because i think i never study my hardest. I never really put my heart and soul into it when im studying that why i failed.

I know i will eventually succeed if i take responsibility for what had gone wrong cause if you take responsibility you will take charge of your life and change.

Apathy a path most troddened

Man's personality can't be changed within one day. The mentality to change the personality must be consistent and maintained. There a saying, Rome isn't built in one day. It is the same. So a personality can't be changed with a flick of the fingers. I can't possibly change in one day, one month or one year. I need many years to be able to change that.

People tend to say to me, eh don't be emo larh!/ talk lerh! In my mind i was like saying im trying. why can't you see that! They just accept things at face value.

I admit i tend to be quiet most of the time but i can be talkative too. I just need to see whether there a need for me to. Maybe its because i am a Taurus that why i tend to be quiet and keep to myself. And the time taken to adapt to a new surrounding has make me immune to talking to people. So i might as well just don't talk and talk when need to.

To me talking is like a chore and is taking a toil on me. Sometime even if i try to talk to somebody i don't get a reply. Its like you muster up the courage to open a door labeled danger and when you opened it you bump your head into a cold steel wall. It just left me hurt physically and mentally. So gradually i develop a thinking of letting other people talk to me before i will talk to them. I will not speak if no one speak to me. Why let myself get hurt again by the cold steely gaze and being ignored when i tried to start a conversation with someone.

I know you all are lucky to be well-received by people wherever you go. So you won't understand or feel the pains that were inflicted on me times and again. It just left me disoriented and disillusioned with the need to talk to somebody.

Environment can change a person. In my case it make me clammed up and become quiet. Because my mind want to protect me from any more harms that the environment will inflict upon me.

I admit it had make me become someone who have different masks. You may say im a hypocrite. I will hide my true feeling beneath a face that is smiling. I have learn that to protect yourself, you must never show your true feeling to anyone. You never know when they will use it against you.

But my fragile heart will somehow divulge a little about what im thinking. So it really pissed me off that all the efforts to maintain that mask is always undone by a fleeting moment of guilt and make my real feeling known to everyone. I really hate having a heart that manipulates me into doing things that make everyone happy but making me feel worse and worse. Why can't i have a heart of apathy so that i won't feel the pain when i do something that are condemned by everyone.

Its really suck being a good guy! Good guy are always the one having the worst lot. Their path are already decided to be playing second fiddle to the bad guy. Tv dramas always make the bad guy who reformed having the gal while the good guy who do everything for the gal end up having nothing. It really suck big time!

I know that whatever i do, my fragile heart of empathy will make sure it will benefit everyone.

All things come to naught for the one whose heart is full of empathy and is the most fragile

Tears are meant to fall

The word crisis when written in chinese have two characters. One represents danger while the other represents opportunity. This is a quote by John F. Kennedy. It means that while crisis is a bad thing, it may also be an opportunity in disguise.

Many a time, we tend to see crisis as something bad. Confucius once say that gems can't be polished without friction nor man without trials. We all need to go through trials and tribulations before we become a better person. But somehow, we all think of adversity as something bad, something revolting which we don't welcome into our lives. But we all need it to change ourselves in one way or another.

If life is smooth sailing, then it wouldn't be life. Cause God always want us to be better than before. He want us to know what adversity is like so that we know we have flaws and will change it.

No one is flawless or infallible. Keep that in mind! But we can make the flaws less of a hindrance in our lives. Thats what adversity is meant to do. It helps us see what we fail to see. Which is the many flaws that are living in us. And let us think about what we can do to keep it at the minimum.

I have gone through alot of adversities and im growing, shining as the trials polished me again and again. I have my fair share of tantrums and tears when it happen. But then i find my focus and i remember that we all need to go through the bitterness of adversity to really taste the sweetness that come after it. And we gained alot more after that.

Sometimes in tragedy we find our life's purpose - the eye sheds a tear to find its focus.

Robert Brault

Changed for the better

I have changed. That is something that i noticed about myself. Being more vocal and cheerful. One year can change alot of things. And it had changed my personality. Maybe it still can't change the introvert in me which will always be with me regardless of what happen and also the nervous wreck that i always am. But what had changed is that i opened myself when im around my classmates and friends. Even though the shyness is still intact it has not interfered with the fun that is going on.

Being a taurus, im someone who does not like changes cause that means i need to adapt to a whole new environment again. That is why i tend to be withdrawn and keep to myself. As i need time to adapt and constantly give myself the morale boosting words of encouragement so that i won't be lost in this world. But now that i have finally adapt, i can finally be more vocal and open. Unlike last year where i generally keep to myself. Cause i find it hard to engage in a conversation with someone.

I finally know that my friends will always be there for me regardless of what happened. Just like my family, they will always support me and encourage me. That is what i have learn from the past one year.

But even if everything about me changed, one thing will not change. That is my heart. It will always have love, empathy and selflessness. And it will always beat faster when a hot gal walk past. Haha. Thats for sure. It is a living radar for identifying hot gal!