Killing Xen

What do i lived for? What is the purpose and meaning that keep me going forward? This questions keep popping in my mind. I really don't know the reason for it. Many times i asked myself why am i in this body? Is this world real or is it imaginary? Till now i can't answer it.

In a philosophical sense. This world can be real and imaginary. Its really how you see it. For me sometimes its real, other times it kind of imaginary. Its sometime too confusing for me to handle.

Im an indecisive person. I can't make up my mind on everything. Even whether matters of the heart. I sometime chided myself for that. Is it so hard to make up my mind on things? The answer is YES! Becuz i always think alot and think up different consequences that my decision may bring.

Now it had blown my chance to be with her. Times passed and we had not talked. Its like we had become strangers overnight. Its my fault as much as yours. My eagerness had destroyed it and that had led you to back off from it.

If i have a time machine, i will turn back time and told you face to face. My feelings for you.

Reality does not matter if i was hugged by you!

My Curve Ball

I knew that when the spotlight shone on me, it will be me alone who has to do the catching up. Its one of the many curve balls that life throws at me. I just gotta do my best to catch it, learn from it and hopefully it will not happen again.

I have my fair share of misery. I wallowed in it before. I never learnt from it. Thats my biggest regret. If i had learnt from it. Thing may have changed for the better.

I remember how i once make used of my misery to turn it into a weapon to drive myself to study harder. But that had not happened now. Is it becuz the magic had worn off. The divine power that i once thought God bestowed upon me. To make me realise that i can achieve whatever i want if i work hard enough.

Can you turned around and told me that its just a dream. A nightmare that i will wake up if you kiss me on the cheek. But you were not there anymore. And i have to find a way to make myself wake up.

Pls don't go away. You were the one i been finding so long and hard. Your giving me the cold shoulder is like a shock reminder that things were never meant to be the way i wanted. Just give me one smile, one sweet and cheerful smile to let me reminisce while i wait at second base waiting for you to realise my importance in your heart.

I say Yes

I know i have erred on numerous occasions. But why did that one mistake condemned me to a place that feels unfamiliar. I feel indignant and defiant by what had happened. Things still haven't sunk in yet. But it will be put in place now.

Every conversation, every email, every innocent question is like a reminder of my mistake. But it is my nature to conceal my feeling within me. Letting no one knows about it. I am akin to a porcupine that defend itself against the enemies.

Now i have gradually tell myself to accept the fact and just move on. It doesn't really matter. If someone can give me encouragement. It will really spur me on.

When i see you, i feel a sense of comfort and my heart sense a tinge of happiness. You are like the sun that never fails to brighten my day even if it was only for a split second.

Cheerfulness, extrovert and pretty face never fail to make my heart skip a beat. When i get to know you better,i realise i have fallen for you. I think im someone who fall in love easily so im kinda confused as to whether my feeling for you is love. I really hope it is. As i really find your cheerfulness mesmerizing and your eyes and smile just added on to the wow factor.

The Kiss and Xen

Blighted by catastrophes, pulled back by misgivings, undone by foolishness and overcome by uncertainties. They are just like a broken record that keep playing over and over again in my life. Maybe its just the basis or foundation with which a life journey is build upon.

Gotta feeling that darkness will engulf and blinded me. Hope its not true. But if its true, i will want to take a long last look at you for your the one that i loved. Your the elusive mystery that i always wanna know better. But im always stop by my uncertainties. Its make me think of numerous scenarios that have me failing. Its really a big taboo for guys. To be scared of rejection. Don't be scared of rejection Ash! I will stay at second base waiting for you to look back at me.

If things go my way, you will be mine already. But blame it on my indecisiveness about whether i have feeling for you. Becuz when i realised i fallen for you. its just too late, we have both taken a different path. Regrets are for the weak, i dont regrets. I want to think of a way to talk to you again hoping that will help mined a new path for you and me to walk tgt.

Seems like its me that haven't put you down. I hoped against hope that a gal will walk by and completely take my breath away but it had not happened. Becuz my breath is taken away by you. My ship had anchored on you, preventing me from leaving.

I can't be in your past, but i can be with you in the present and we can work tgt for a blissful future.