Stuck in the past

I will always rmbr tht time in pri sch. Tht memory is etched deeply in my brain and i will nvr frgt it. It was in my 6.2 pe lesson, we were playing a baseball match. Tht incident during tht game will 4ever be the sweetest memory tht i had ever had. It was her turn to hit the ball, as the ball was put using a ball holder and not the usual baseball game whr a person throw the ball and she had to hit it. As i was saying, she was attempting to hit the ball using the bat when i kneel down in front of her to catch the ball when she hit it. I was doing tht to make fun of her as it means her strength is weak and the ball wont fly far. When one of my classmates teased me and say are you kneeling down to propose to her? It invited laughters from all my classmates. I was very embarrassed and so was she.

But even though i was embarrassed i was still a little happy. Maybe it because i was constantly bickering and teasing her tht my feeling for her increased gradually. I was secretly hoping tht she had some feeling for me too. Maybe till now this memory is still etched deeply inside me is becuz she still hold a special place inside my heart, a small little place tht had her as my tenant. Maybe after all this years, my feeling for her still hasnt decreased but still remain the same. To me she is still the loud spoken gal who laugh loudly and always fight with me and would teased me constantly. The gal who sit beside me during class and assembly. The gal who is the same height as me in pri sch. The gal who like Westlife which is oso my fave band and has their album and put it inside her bag.

Regardless of whatever tht happen all this while. I know deep down in my heart my love for her has never change. To other ppl she may be loud and maybe not tht pretty to them. But in my eyes she is cute, pretty and one who talks abt what come into her mind. Tht what i like abt her. Even though she rejected me once i will still wait for the time she will accept me. Maybe till the day i find another gal tht make me feel the same way as i feel abt her. And maybe after i know she is really happy with the one she loved. Then i will stop having this kind of feeling for her. But the place she hold in my heart will still be the same. Cuz i cnt bear to moved her out of my heart as it is akin to severing my one last tie with her.

Embracing the bad

One mistake tht ruin everything. One mistake to put yourself in a realm of stereotypical. Ever go through this before and you know tht it is a terrible feeling. Ppl always say time will solve everything but tht doesnt applied to this. In this world, taking one wrong step will cause ppl to see you in a different light and eyesight. There eyesight are those cold, steely gaze tht can send shiver down your spine. Makin you an outcast in your own class or school. It akin to living in a secular world with no one to talk to.

There's a saying which say when you dont have something. you will really treasure that thing when you really has it. Tht why i really treasured my friendship with everybody. Tolerate and cared for them. Cuz they rescued me from the realm of loneliness and paint my dull world with colors. So i really treasured them. I always like and treasured our time tgt and the outings we had. Maybe at time im not tht open or sporting but im gradually changing. Maybe for you all tht change is not enough but wait patiently cause i will not disappoint you all anymore with my lackluster behaviour.

If there is ever someone who is willing to accept your flaws, doesn't mind your past mistakes and willing to befriend you. Then accept tht person with open hands. Cuz tht person is the dearest friend to you.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Dr Seuss

My way of surviving

All of us have flaws. I dont deny tht im not a perfect person. Man of few words, pessimistic, procrastinator and my articulation when talking are not good and on top of tht i speak fast and soft.

But if my own cliques can tolerate it. I dont see why i cnt tolerate other ppl flaws. Tdy i was deep in thought abt things in a philosophical way. The behaviour of human beings are a fascinating thing. The way we talk, do and behave can inadvertently cause ppl to be disgusted or happy. I always pride myself in seeing the good in ppl. But there are always some ppl who does not give a fucking damn to to my toleration. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. Seriously they shld do a reflection abt their behaviour. Before imposing their ideas on me. They nvr care abt other ppl feeling. And ppl has to fucking tolerate their attitude.

Who the fuck do they think they are? You want me to tolerate your stupid attitude over and over again. C'mon ppl toleration has a limit. If you want ppl to treat you nicely, you have to treat them nicely first.

But tht is quite a difficult task for them to do, cuz they value their own interests above others. They wont hesitate to sacrifice other ppl in order to achieve their goal. Maybe you all will say tht it is natural or tht is the rule to survive in this merciless world whr helping other ppl is akin to giving yourself a death sentence. But if tht the way to survive in life, then i will wish tht i has never set foot in this world. I will not follow this stupid rule to survive. I have my own set of rules to survive and i will abide by tht.

No more mind games with ppl, playing with ppl feelings, making use of ppl trust in me to gain smth, sacrificing other ppl to achieve my goal. Tht not what my life rules are abt. I always trust ppl entirely with my whole heart. I help them without asking for anything in return. Cuz i believe firmly tht true friendship with a person does not involve having smth in return for my help. And true friendship is always based firmly on trust. If you trust your friend you wont believe what other ppl say abt them. Even if in the end they betray my trust and hurt me. I wont regret what i had done. Cuz at least i once trust tht person with all my heart and tht all tht matter.

You all may say tht im gullible or trusted ppl easily. Tht not true cuz i dont always trust what they say to me. I juz believe in them, believe tht my trust in them wont be lost so easily.

Words have immeasurable power so think before you hurl words at him

Ashley Tan

Day of Reckoning

Common test finally over. Truth to be told, im a little scared of what results i may get. To me all the ppr seem so difficult. I cnt really think abt how i will fared. Will it be a case of deja vu like last sem. I hope not. I crossed my fingers and prayed hard to the God to let me pass it all.

After common test. We got this Christmas Lunch at a familiar place, our physic tutorial room. The food for tht event is Pizza Hut. We were all eating it like there no tmr. Haha. Simply delicious and borrowing a phrase from KFC, Its Finger Licking Good! Haha. After this lunch we got a gift exchange. I was hoping tht i may get Mr TSK present becuz i wna ask or literally brainwashing him to buy me an itouch. Haha. But anw i got a CUTE present courtesy of Jun Poh. The handphone holder is simply cute and i love it! It beat getting tht dustbing from Oktavia. Lol!

After lunch we went shopping in Orchard. I finally know tht Dr. Marten is in Orchard Central and not Orchard Ion! We went to Far East Plaza to shop and i saw a blazer tht i really like. But it cost 89 bucks which was too exp. So gna consider abt it. Then we went to Takashimaya. I was gg there to buy a book which my sis asked me to buy for her. Christmas is really in the air. I can smell and feel it. But the only thing tht left is snow which is literally not gg to happen anytime soon.

Anw i have a wishlist of the things i want to buy so if you all want to buy for me go ahead i not gg to stop you. Haha. Juz kidding. I wna buy this things using my own money cuz i can get the satisfaction out of it.
The things are
Dr. Marten boots
Burberry wallet
2 shirts
1 long sleeved shirt
1 vest
1 blazer
1 tie
necklace
studded bracelet
Bboy cap
new t shirts
Nikon s1000pj
Itouch
Adidas sneaker
skinny jeans

Ray-Ban aviator sunglasses

This is juz for now maybe will have more added to the list. Hopefully i can get them all. Im not materialistic. The clothings are all for cny and the wallet is becuz my current one is gg to break apart soon. The electronic equipments are things which i crave for. Becuz the world is changing and human beings are also changing. So this electronic equipment are smth tht i want to have. The camera is becuz im currently into photography while itouch is smth tht will make boredom go away when you are alone.

Before i frgt i juz saw my F&N teacher, Mrs Hawa in NYP food science lab. Cnt believe i meet her there. Talk to her abit and she say my hair getting longer. Haha. The good boy is turning bad or is it cooler.

Eyes that see the heart

Whenever a gal walk past me. I will inevitably check her out. To see whether she make the grade and is pretty. Maybe it a guy genes that can't be explained. I dont wanna be a shallow person who like a gal becuz of her look. I want to like her becuz of her kindness, intelligent and the way she talk and carry herself.

Shallow is always something that men can never get rid of. To us being pretty is above everything else in our criteria for looking for our other half. But then is it really tht important? What is important is whether she is kind. A gal who is kind but ugly and a gal who dont have any empathy but is pretty. Who will you choose? I think almost all the guys will go for the former. Becuz guys can never resist being with a pretty gal. Im one of them. But im finding myself slowly trying to break away from that mould. I dont like that shallow me, it causing me to see things in a way that is always on appeareance and not smth that is beneath that.

I wanna be a guy who has a pair of eyes tht see the heart. It may help me to judge things in an unbiased ways. People will say that it can't really be done. But if i never try then i will never know. Beauty tht is skin deep is not important in the long run if she doesn;t has a heart to be with me in time of difficulty.

This is something i have realised and gained enlightenment on after being with my group of friends. They make me realised that and i won't forget that so easily. An above average gal is ok if she has a heart of gold.

Beauty can be tempting but it will wear off if it only skin deep
Ashley Tan