One and Only: Parents

Parents are always someone we look up to. They are our role models and someone we loved, respected and feared at the same time. No one can replaced that place in my/your heart.

We alway have this thoughts which is to emulate them and be better than them so that they will be proud of you. I always wna do something that go along with what they want and it also suit me at the same time. So it always saddened me when im not performing to their level of expectation. Somehow they always place high hopes and expectation on me becuz of what a fortune teller say that im a smart and intellligent person. But it just that im too lazy.

Well you can't have the best of both world. Another fortune teller that i see say that im 大才小用 which literally means waste of talent. Or someone who is talented but is used in the wrong way or put in a wrong position.

Haha. Maybe if i really put in the effort and hard work then this name will really fit me. Cause for now im just not fit to be called this.

Back to what i was saying. I really wna make them be proud of me. It like a wish of mine that i hope i can fulfill.

One thing i thank my parents is that when i say i want to be a free thinker they never pressure me into being a Buddhist. I thank them for respecting my decision as im someone who don't like to be tied down by a religion. Because if im tied down by a religion it will be taxing on me and i dont like the feeling of being tied down.

Unpredictable Nature of Life

Forrest Gump's mother once said, Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what kind of chocolate you will get.

I totally like this quote. Cuz it means tht life is unpredictable, you never know what will happen next. My life is like tht, it so unpredictable. One year im with nothing, the next i have friends tht i can rely and count on. Everything tht someone need to go through at the age of 20 or maybe 30. Im gg through tht at the afe of 13!

Im someone who had a phobia, a fear tht can't be erased permanently. It like a scar in my brain tht is still intact. It caused me to act in a way tht i never wanted. Im someone who dont wna have the limelight shine one me, all the eyes looking at me. But somehow something change it. Even though my actions is quite showy and make me seems like i wna have the limelight. My soul is still squirming at it and juz wna let it all finish.

Sometime i feel like i have split personality. I can be happy, loud and talkative for one moment and then the next, i will be quiet, withdrawn and have a sad sorrow aura around me. No one and i mean not a single soul can fathom or predict my actual feeling and emotion.

Maybe it becuz i tend to think alot and mostly in philosophical way. I will sometime say wistfully to myself abt this kind of stuff. It like im easily affected by the smallest of things tht ppl make and can think for a long time abt it. Maybe tht make me seem kinda mature.

Withering for them

The meeting with my mentor turn out just fine. Phew! What a relief. Tht the only silver lining for today. After tht ordeal i guess it sorta make me realised tht Science is meant to use your heart and soul to study. It like a plant tht need to be watered everyday.

I thot the best in people and literally give in to their every whine. But what do i get in return? More whining and complaining. Sometime it sorta get on my nerve. But i grit my teeth and swallow the anger tht piling up inside me like some bitter medicine tht is difficult to swallow.

Maybe i shld take back my words abt them. It like misjudgment on my part. People do change and when you get along with them more often their tails and true self will appear. It like i shld not have taken my time to know them better. Foolish me!!

I always change myself to adapt to their characteristics. It like i dont care abt my own feeling. Why is it tht i always torture myself for them.

The next project abt food, i want to do it alone and return to the beginning whr i first love food and have the passion for it. I dunno why this few months my feeling for it is dwindling. I alr know what i wna do and the product. It is the first dessert tht i make. And i want to make use of it to find my lost love for food and the culinary art.

Life journey is fraughted with trials and tribulations, it kinda make us stronger mentally and physically.

Ashley Tan