Nth is right in my life!

Today, i study for several hours in the hope tad i cn at least pass my exam. Is it wishful thinking on my part? For it seems like an impossible task when i have failed three modules. The chances is very slim and deep down in my heart i also know that it is mission impossible. I am just making a hopeless struggle to achieve my goal. But this did not deterred me from trying to do the impossible. I am also feeling sick and dizzy but i don't want to stop my revising, its my only way to save my own skin. I always hated the me that always waited till the last minutes before i start my revision. I always tried to overcome it but it is no use. I did not feel the motivation that will make me feel the urge to revise. Only when exam is nearing, then i will be revising feverishly and forgoing my sleep in the process. It always happen again and again and is a cycle that i cannot gwt out of. This caused me to flunk a lot of my tests most recently the three science tests. I feel like i am at the bottom of my life and feel that i am the most useless person in the world. I also cried very bitterly over my failed modules, i have never cried so bitterly over a failed subject before. But this time it caused me so much upset when the truth hit me. I just could not believe it, even though i have not revised thoroughly for it, i should not have failed it. It is no secret that i do not like science and i choose this as a last resort. But i have studied for it and should have been given my dues. Maybe the reason for my crying is because i feel a little unfair and sad. This mixed feelings kinda caused me to have a emotional breakdown. Somehow, i feel that i don't have the energy to continue on this lap anymore. I feel like giving up on this hopeless situation. But i know that my parents will not allow me to give up on this course. So for my parents' sake, i will grit my teeth and finish this course. When things did not go my way, i always ask myself a lot of questions and just want to be alone. I just don't want unnecessary attention toward me and i want to be in my world to have my peace and tranquil that i treasured a lot. Maybe this will make people think that i am acting cool but it is just my not like that. I just want to be alone and collect my thought and readjusting my emotion so that i will not show my true emotion in front of people. Maybe it just a guy nature to put a strong front in front of gals. This time is also the same, i just say in a joking tone that i have 3F for my common test like it no big deal. I don't want people to see me in a different light. A week after i knew my common test result i cried very bitterly. I just want to cried it all out and let myself wallow in misery for one last time before i pull myself together and put up a good fight. But now it just like a hopeless fight to death. Even though i say its hopeless i still want to do it because even though i fail i know that i had given my all and i will not have any regret.

I feel dizzy and have a little fever in such a critical moment. I just crossed my fingers and hope that it won't affect my revision and i will not fainted during exam. I don't want something like this to cause my weeks of revision to be for nothing. Maybe the whole day of studying just cause my brain to be over tired and also caused me to feel dizzy so that i will stop studying and have a little rest. Ask you all something. What the different from studying very hard and study smart? I heard someone saying it on the mrt. I think her explanation is wrong and hearing it caused my blood to boil and i feel very angry about it. She say study smart is you did not study and just play but you still can do pretty well for your exam while studying hard is just plain studying but both got the same result. It just make me feel that it kinda unfair that someone that play hard can have the same or higher marks than those that have revise very hard for it. It like so unfair and just make me feel kinda pissed off by what she said. So what your thought on this? Do tell me about it.

Thanks!