Confession to God and you

I have a confession to make. All my hard works are all a front tht is used to trick ppl into believing tht im a studious person. Maybe to them tht is hardworking. But to me it is all but a front to make myself out to be a studious nerd. Can't believe im confessing abt it. Up till now, i have always been one to succumb to temptations. I can't resist tht and time can be evidence of tht. No matter how hard i try to deny it. It is clearly etched in my heart and mind.

If i really worked hard then it will be natural tht i will get good grades but then now it doesn't seem tht way. My common test result is the worst grades tht i had ever seen. I can't believe either. But im not surprised maybe you can even say expected of it. So can say i had adjust my feeling alr. Maybe you will say what abt the big cry you had last semester! It is just a feeling if defiance. Cuz i wna defy all the odds stack against me as i havent done all the necessary work to get good grades.

David Bly once say "Striving for success without working hard is like trying to harvest where you haven't planted." Im like doing tht. What he say is true. Becuz you reap what you sow. I haven't done any serious revising so how in the hell do i expect myself to get good grades.

I always blame my parents, my siblings, my friends, luck, even God. But i never blame myself for the things that had happened to me. I always thought tht God wna pushed me to a corner with only an option for me to choose. But what don't realised is that God had given me alot of options, it just how i see it. Maybe it because i was blinded by my anger that i can't see tht He had arranged for me everything. it just whether i wanna take tht option and step, then i will surely be a success story that everyone will know abt.

Am i too late to realise that God is always there for me. Giving me unconditional love. What an ungrateful person im to ignore His love and option for me. He and my parents and siblings always have to endure my endless complaints of If i had done this... or tht.... I now firmly know what i should have done. To take the option God had given me and never regret and complain abt it again.

Because i know tht in life we can't have what we want so why not settle for smth tht can be a substitute for it. Is it too hard for me? Science something tht is always too profound for me to understand. Can i excel at it? If i work hard maybe i can. Maybe God is trying to mould me into somone who is capable to do well in something he hated. I hoped i won't disappoint Him.

At this instant tht i gained enlightenment. You won't see me turning back again. I will work hard at it. The show tht i put up in the past will be a signal at what i can do if i really put my heart and soul into it. Maybe this year i can't do tht well. But next year i will certainly do to the best of my ability.

I have target a GPA of 3.9 for my year 2!!!! You all tht read my blog will be the witness and i promise tht i will get tht.

A quote from a person tht i admired the most that is related to science.

Helen Keller once say " Science may have found the cure for most evil but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human being." Which basically means the indifference of us human can't be cured using science. To me it has to be cured using oure heart. If we use our heart to feel our surrounding then maybe the world will be a better place to be in. I think i have go off topic but thot maybe let you all know since it concern science too. Haha.

Hard work is painful when life is devoid of purpose. But when you live for something greater than yourself and the gratification of your own ego, then hard work becomes a labor of love.

Steve Pavlina