Withering for them

The meeting with my mentor turn out just fine. Phew! What a relief. Tht the only silver lining for today. After tht ordeal i guess it sorta make me realised tht Science is meant to use your heart and soul to study. It like a plant tht need to be watered everyday.

I thot the best in people and literally give in to their every whine. But what do i get in return? More whining and complaining. Sometime it sorta get on my nerve. But i grit my teeth and swallow the anger tht piling up inside me like some bitter medicine tht is difficult to swallow.

Maybe i shld take back my words abt them. It like misjudgment on my part. People do change and when you get along with them more often their tails and true self will appear. It like i shld not have taken my time to know them better. Foolish me!!

I always change myself to adapt to their characteristics. It like i dont care abt my own feeling. Why is it tht i always torture myself for them.

The next project abt food, i want to do it alone and return to the beginning whr i first love food and have the passion for it. I dunno why this few months my feeling for it is dwindling. I alr know what i wna do and the product. It is the first dessert tht i make. And i want to make use of it to find my lost love for food and the culinary art.

Life journey is fraughted with trials and tribulations, it kinda make us stronger mentally and physically.

Ashley Tan

The Will to Fight Till the End

The process of how you slog and work so hard are always ignore when the result you obtain is not tht good. Juz when i find myself feeling right at home with my classmates and beginning to like this course something have to happen. An unknown suspense tht making me feels scare, nervous and jumpy. I dunno whether i can take whatever tht is gg to be thrown to me. It like a repeat of last semester except tht there is an added element tht make it more scary. My mentor send me email and call me tdy to tell me to arrange a date with him next week. He gg to talk to my parents abt my common test result. He will be accompanied by the course manager. It on 3 Feb, Wednesday, 10am.

Tht day is suppose to be a day tht will be memorable to everyone in Food Science. Cuz it will be our product showcase. But this grave talk will put a dampener on it. My parents and sister had asked me to be mentally prepared tht they will ask me to repeat this course next yr as first year or drop this course. My parents and sister told me tht maybe i shld give it up and apply for a course in SHATEC. But im reluctant to do tht, i know it is my passion and dream to be a chef at a hotel or restaurant. But i want to finish this course before deciding on it.

Maybe it the competitive nature and never-give-up attitude in me tht make me want to finish this course and do well for it. Whatever challenges tht come my way i will take it on and triumph it. I will tell my mentor and the course manager tht if i do well for this coming exam then they will let me stay on. If not i will drop this course and go SHATEC. My parents are very supportive of whatever decision i make.

I will work hard for it. It a MUST! Never had i been so serious abt smth since my O lvl exam. I beginning to like this challenge. A fight tht will determine the outcome of my next school year. How exciting is that. Even though im feeling scared inside, i will still stay optimistic. Look on the bright side, i will take this as a driving force to do well for this coming exam.

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.

Thomas Jefferson

Flaws are also a Perfection

Don't you find that people are a unique and unusual creature. We tend to enlarge our flaws and dwell on it. But we have forgotten that we also have our own strengths. This strengths are often overlook by us in our pursuit of perfecting our flaws.

Im not perfect and often dwell on those flaws tht make me imperfect. But if i learned to embrace my flaws and make it part of my strengths and enlarge the strengths that i originally have then won't i be a much more powerful person!

Sometime it juz how we perceived things and at what perspective do we view it. Becuz the different perspective that we view things can channel a feeling and emotion that can be positive or negative.

So some ppl are born a natural optimistic while some are born pessimistic. This is becuz of the way the perceived things and the way they look at it. Regardless of all this, my only purpose is to be the guardian angel for the person that took my breath away.

I really want to be the yellow light that pours over everyone that i love

Conor Oberst

Confession to God and you

I have a confession to make. All my hard works are all a front tht is used to trick ppl into believing tht im a studious person. Maybe to them tht is hardworking. But to me it is all but a front to make myself out to be a studious nerd. Can't believe im confessing abt it. Up till now, i have always been one to succumb to temptations. I can't resist tht and time can be evidence of tht. No matter how hard i try to deny it. It is clearly etched in my heart and mind.

If i really worked hard then it will be natural tht i will get good grades but then now it doesn't seem tht way. My common test result is the worst grades tht i had ever seen. I can't believe either. But im not surprised maybe you can even say expected of it. So can say i had adjust my feeling alr. Maybe you will say what abt the big cry you had last semester! It is just a feeling if defiance. Cuz i wna defy all the odds stack against me as i havent done all the necessary work to get good grades.

David Bly once say "Striving for success without working hard is like trying to harvest where you haven't planted." Im like doing tht. What he say is true. Becuz you reap what you sow. I haven't done any serious revising so how in the hell do i expect myself to get good grades.

I always blame my parents, my siblings, my friends, luck, even God. But i never blame myself for the things that had happened to me. I always thought tht God wna pushed me to a corner with only an option for me to choose. But what don't realised is that God had given me alot of options, it just how i see it. Maybe it because i was blinded by my anger that i can't see tht He had arranged for me everything. it just whether i wanna take tht option and step, then i will surely be a success story that everyone will know abt.

Am i too late to realise that God is always there for me. Giving me unconditional love. What an ungrateful person im to ignore His love and option for me. He and my parents and siblings always have to endure my endless complaints of If i had done this... or tht.... I now firmly know what i should have done. To take the option God had given me and never regret and complain abt it again.

Because i know tht in life we can't have what we want so why not settle for smth tht can be a substitute for it. Is it too hard for me? Science something tht is always too profound for me to understand. Can i excel at it? If i work hard maybe i can. Maybe God is trying to mould me into somone who is capable to do well in something he hated. I hoped i won't disappoint Him.

At this instant tht i gained enlightenment. You won't see me turning back again. I will work hard at it. The show tht i put up in the past will be a signal at what i can do if i really put my heart and soul into it. Maybe this year i can't do tht well. But next year i will certainly do to the best of my ability.

I have target a GPA of 3.9 for my year 2!!!! You all tht read my blog will be the witness and i promise tht i will get tht.

A quote from a person tht i admired the most that is related to science.

Helen Keller once say " Science may have found the cure for most evil but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human being." Which basically means the indifference of us human can't be cured using science. To me it has to be cured using oure heart. If we use our heart to feel our surrounding then maybe the world will be a better place to be in. I think i have go off topic but thot maybe let you all know since it concern science too. Haha.

Hard work is painful when life is devoid of purpose. But when you live for something greater than yourself and the gratification of your own ego, then hard work becomes a labor of love.

Steve Pavlina

Flaws of the Century

Im not tht good at keep a happy face when im angry, sad or moody. People who know me well knew tht i will always show my emotion on my face. Cuz i dont feel the need to hide it. Im a straightforward person which can be seen with how i make my feelings known to ppl ard me. I dont talk when im angry, sad and moody. Cuz i dont wna hurt ppl with harsh words when it is not them tht are in the wrong.

Im not a great or perfect person at all. With so many flaws tht can be written in a piece of paper. Sometime i really detest myself for being such a useless person. Can you believe tht such a person exist and breathe the same air as you all! I cnt believe either, but tht me what can i do abt it. Stupid, slow, not proactive, cnt talk well to a gal to save his life, fucking introvert, lazy, procrastinator, not vocal even though he had smth to say, talentless, cnt even make up his mind abt what he wna do in life, too soft hearted, gullible, weak, short and thin! This flaws cnt even describe how unperfect im.

My only regret is tht i cnt live up to my parents' expectation. Im such a un decisive personm even though i really wna switch/quit this course. A part of me wna stay on and persevere while the other part wna live the dream tht i always dreamt abt. You see how fucking bad im. Maybe you all need to think twice before making friends with me. I cnt guarantee tht i will not make you one as well.

Cnt believe tht kind of person right? Dont be surprise cuz it the REAL me. Maybe this will help you to see clearly who i really am. Then maybe you can break the ties with me.

Im so gna love loneliness cuz i have so many books tht i havent finish reading yet. Maybe i can spend all my time reading book. Reading a book on a quiet day and sipping a cup of coffee is way better than going out and jostling with the crowds at Orchard or Bugis!

Diving for eternal suffering

We all have our own set of principles. Whatever it might be, it can indirectly be the trigger tht make them do things tht maybe good or bad. Sometime people fight becuz they felt tht the set of principles is being threatened and will fight to protect it. To all of us, our principles are something tht are valued above all. It inevitably make us who we are in terms of personality and empathy.

My principles are always about putting my friends and family before me. Their interests come before mine. Maybe it is hard to believe. But for them i will sacrifice the money that i saved for many weeks so tht i can go out with them to watch movies or have dinner. I will also care for people tht are less fortunate than me as their plight often bring tears to my eyes. So i will look for way to help them. The smallest gesture like giving up my seats to someone needy is something tht i do and hope many people will do as well. I also dont believe in making use of people to get what i want and sacrifice them to achieve what i want. Becuz i think that this is something brutal and cruel. Making use of people feeling for me to my own advantage is something tht i will not do and never will.

Im what God make me out to be. However lousy im, i will not complain cuz i believe tht each has its own forte. Maybe mine is different from yours. Being branded parasitic, lazy, irresponsible and most of all not doing anything when project or group work is concern. I beg to differ, as my principles state im not one to make use of people so why would i make use of them, letting them do more than me in term of workload. I may be clumsy and slow but im definitely not one to shirk from my responsibility. People always ask me "Is it better to do with him or her." It seems like they are hinting and indicating tht they are doing the most work while im slacking and doing slip-shod work. Im controlling myself not to spew out all the profanities tht i heard over the years at them. Maybe it becuz they are more intelligent than me so tht make them seem like their capability are way above me.

If tht how they viewed me then they can see me in tht light for the rest of their lives. I dont care and wont explain. I will just use my action to make you realise it. But if it still not working then i will let you see me in tht light for the rest of your boring live.

We all tend to view people with microscopic eyes that will find the smallest of fault within them. But what we forget is that we also have flaws and faults.

Ashley Tan

Fleeting memories of last year

2009 was a great year for me. It holds many unforgettable memories tht i wont frgt forever. I met a group of friends who hold dear in my heart. They made me realised the what it like to have friends and be cared for. They are very important to me and i hope im important to them as well. We call our clique, ZGC but it looks like im the one tht does the most of it. Haha! My clique was there for me when im down. They encouraged me and make me have the will to stand up again. They helped me to regain my confidence and always tell me not to be emo and be happy. They advised me to talk more and smile more. They are angry when i did not opened up and talked more to them. So for their sake and mine as well, i gradually opened up and talked more. Recently i have also become more cheerful and less emo with regards to things.

Thanks You all very much and i loved you all. My heart will always have a special place for you.

I started my poly life in NYP Food Science. At there, i met my class who did not really stand out alot. Maybe it was me tht was asking too much. But over the months of being with them. I gradually find tht they are awesome people. Although other may say otherwise, i still feel tht they are special. They are kind people who are very driven in their studies. This is what i like the most abt them. This means tht there wont be any incessant talking from my class when lectures are going on. They are also Science people who like their Science alot or shld i say to a very large extent. They all wanna be scientist, researcher, chemist or even nutritionist. Woot! What ambitious people they are. I feel kinda proud to be ard them and have them as my classmates.

Being with them has it disadvantages though. They sometimes get on my nerve with their constant criticism and mockery of my weight, height and voice. It not like i want tht either. Some of them are like some snob, doesnt wna talk to me!! Oh well, if tht the case then i see no reason to make friend with you. There are also people who just doesnt care abt people feeling and always tread on raw nerve. If people dont scold them it doesnt mean they scare of you or what it just tht we dont want and dont care abt you. We juz wna let you be bashed, assaulted or fucking ostracised by other people when you started your working life with tht attitude still intact. It was time like this tht i juz wished to quit this course and be an apprentice chef.

There are still some people tht are kind and caring and will teach me when im very weak in a module or dunno how to do a question. They have to put up with my lateness which is quite serious and i thanks them for them. They are good people and i loved them for tht.

My course is kinda hard and i have not scored very well for all my tests. It something tht had put a blemish on 2009. I have worked hard but still it is not enough and i find myself lagging behind all my classmates. But still im not giving up cuz of a quote tht i come across from my friend blog. What the quote say really make me wake up.

Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience. Quote by Victoria Holt. This quote kinda make me wake up and stop dwelling on my one botched mistake. And start working hard. Even though this course is not a course i like, i will still work hard to be the best in this course. I want to be proud of myself on what i have achieved in this course.

Overall 2009 has been an awesome year with my friends in poly (Joel, Haris, YX and Alvin and the gals in the class). My friends in ZGC (Neecia, YR, YL, JQ, Lewis, Daniel, Jimmy, JJ and JH) You all are awesome people and have affected my 2009. It had let it be an awesome year and i will smile when i think abt it again. Thanks You all and you all ROCK!

The songs that i wna present to you are My Love by Westlife and You Found Me by The Fray.

Love you all!!